


eleven blocks

by kirani



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscommunication, Pining, THIS IS NOT ENDGAME NURSEYDEX, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:33:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25675141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirani/pseuds/kirani
Summary: Derek won't leave Boston while Will is still here. Will won't move on, even after he leaves. It's only eleven blocks to home.Or: Will and Derek. After.Eleven blocks from my door to your doorstepThree years later and it feels too close~ 11 Blocks, Wrabel
Relationships: Derek "Nursey" Nurse/Original Male Character(s), Derek "Nursey" Nurse/William "Dex" Poindexter, William "Dex" Poindexter/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22
Collections: Check Please Heartbreak Fest 2020





	eleven blocks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mellifluousmalady](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mellifluousmalady/gifts).



> This was written for the 2020 Heartbreak Fest! The prompt I was given was "post-breakup, the two still live in the same city and see each other sometimes. they are mutually pining but both convinced the other is over them/not interested. if u do this one plz rip my heart out i wanna SOB (loosely inspired by the song 11 Blocks by Wrabel if you’re the type to listen to music while creating)". I may have listened to the song on repeat for like 5 hours and written the entire thing in one heartbreaking afternoon. Hope it hurts like you wanted mellifluousmalady!  
> A hundred thank yous to my beta revanchist for helping me refine my rambling emotional first draft!  
> Also I know the blocks in Boston are not super regular so just suspend your disbelief. I couldn't bring myself to set it in Chicago like I wanted to where I, too, live weirdly close to my ex lmaoooooo (this isn't projecting I swear)

Derek sighed as his parents exchanged a look on his phone screen. His mom looked back at him.

“Baby, you can find another job here at home. You can come stay with us and take care of yourself. Let us take care of you,” she offered.

“I know I could, but I don’t think that’s the right answer,” Derek said again. It wasn’t really an answer but he couldn’t explain it. He needed to be here in case Will changed his mind. 

“We just hate to see you hurting,” his dad said, leaning further into the frame on the FaceTime call. 

“I know. And I appreciate it but I need to do this here. I just have to get through it.”

“Have you talked to him?” his mom asked, even though she knew he hadn’t.

“No,” Derek confirmed anyway. “He made it very clear he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. Didn’t want to try anymore.” 

His parents exchanged another look and Derek lost control. He felt tears coming to his eyes for the third time in two days and brushed them away angrily. “I just want to know why.”

“I know, baby. Have you been talking to someone? A therapist?”

“Yeah. I have.”

“Good,” his dad said. “That’s good. The pain will fade in time.”

Derek wasn’t sure he believed him.

When he and Will had gotten together their senior year at Samwell, Derek thought he was done with dating. They had danced their way from a reluctant d-pair to friends to friends-with-benefits and finally, to partners. 

They’d spent the year together, made plans for the future together, lamented the time wasted in the previous years when they could have been together, and fallen deeper in love than Derek thought possible. They’d moved to Boston together, gotten an apartment and jobs there together. 

Always together. 

“I hope so,” he murmured, wiping his eyes. “Talk to me about something else?” 

His parents put on broad smiles and began to tell a story in tandem, passing it back and forth easily between them. He wanted what they had. He had thought he’d had it.

But after a couple of years, it had all fallen apart. They’d started fighting again, not just bickering like had been their norm for years. All out fights. 

The fights left Derek drained and scared and lonely. He wanted so badly to fix everything but he had no idea how to. Eventually, Will had moved out and Derek had collapsed. For months he had barely dragged himself to work at the publishing house, what had previously been his dream job. His parents asked if he wanted to come home but he couldn’t. 

He couldn’t leave Boston when Will was still there. 

_/ _/ _/

Eleven blocks. 

That was the distance from his old apartment with Derek to his new place. He’d found the place because he liked the neighborhood, liked the commute, didn’t want to give it up. But he found himself taking turns back to the old place all the time. Found himself counting it when he walked home from the train in the evenings, later and later as he lost himself in work for lack of anything else to do. 

His sister was worried for him. She’d call sometimes, rambling to fill the silence on his end of the phone line until she finally would ask how he was. She’d admitted she worried about him alone in the city like that, but it wasn’t like that. 

Will wasn’t even sad, really. He was angry. Angry with himself, mostly. He had stopped fighting for them and he would have to live with that. 

“Will,” Erin sighed. “I just worry about you. You could come home, you know.”

Will rolled his eyes. “I’m fine Er. I just need time to process.”

“And how is you working until nine o’clock every night giving you time to process?”

Point. 

“I have a deadline coming up. I’m working on it, I swear,” Will lied.

Erin paused, trying to decide if she wanted to call him on his bluff, probably. “What even happened, Will? I thought you two were happy.”

Will sighed, now. He didn’t really have an answer and that made him the angriest of all. “I don’t even know. We just… stopped working. I don’t know what happened.”

“But you left. You told me  _ you  _ left. Why?”

“He didn’t want me there anymore. I couldn’t handle feeling unwanted in my own home.”

“Did he tell you that?” Erin asked. “Did he say the words ‘I don’t want you anymore’?”

“Erin —”

“No, I want to know. If you’re making yourself miserable when you should just be apologizing I’m not gonna let you do that!”

“No. He didn’t say those words. He didn’t have to.” Will gritted his teeth. “I know him so well, Erin. He didn’t have to say it. That’s why it hurts so much.”

“I’m so sorry,” Erin said softly. 

_/ _/ _/

Getting coffee at Harrison’s was still weird. 

It had been a year since he’d been here with Will but it still felt like their coffee shop. They had come in on weekends, mostly, gotten a pair of coffees and taken apart the news with their usual brand of friendly bickering. It was a tradition continued on from Samwell and it helped with the transition into adulthood, in a way. 

They were still them, just in a new place. Still them.

Until they weren’t anymore. And now Derek had to order just the one drink, to go now, and leave this familiar place before he got too sentimental. Once, he’d seen Will through the windows, saw him see Derek, saw him change direction and leave. He must still be in the area.

There was a kind of weird irony in the fact that he met Luke at Harrison’s. 

He tried not to dwell on it when Luke asked him out. They’d run into each other a few times and exchanged flirty banter as they waited for coffees. Derek had even started lingering in the shop again, clutching his to go cup and trying not to think of Will. 

The more they talked though, the easier it was not to think of Will. When they’d run into each other in line and Luke had butted in and changed his order to a “here” cup with a wink, Derek had just blushed and let him. 

They’d sat at a table in the corner and lingered over their coffees as they got to know each other. When Luke had had to go, he had handed Derek his phone and asked for his number. 

“So I can see you more than when we run into each other here,” he’d explained. 

“I’d like that,” Derek said with a smile and entered his number. 

They’d fallen into an easy rhythm after that, the months flying by. Derek had lived in Boston much longer than Luke, so he got to show him all the sights, while Luke excitedly took Derek to museums and restaurants he’d found online and they’d both discovered more of their adopted home.

Nearly a year into their relationship, they’d finally talked about Will. Derek tried to keep it together but knew he probably failed at that when Luke gathered him up in his arms. 

“I know I should have fought for him more, but he told me he was done and I tried to respect that. I just don’t understand what went wrong with us. We were so good for so long. And then it was just like we weren’t clicking anymore.”

“Sometimes people grow apart,” Luke said, rubbing his hand down Derek’s arm. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“Sorry,” Derek said, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. “I have moved on, really. I’m in this with you. I just… he was my best friend, too, you know?”

“I know, Derek.”

“I love you,” Derek said, pressing his forehead to his boyfriend’s.

“I love you, too.”

Derek was happy.

_/ _/ _/

They were at a party and Peter had run into an old college friend. Will had played nice for a while and then left them to their reminiscences and wandered to the bar instead. He wasn’t in the mood to hear about college days when his own would always be so intimately connected to Derek in his mind. Hockey? Derek. Parties? Derek. The Haus? Derek. It was always going to be the time he’d had with Derek. He’d thought he’d have more of it.

Will had a boyfriend. He thought he might even love Peter. Most days he was happy. Thought he was moving on for real this time. 

So why was he still counting the distance to his old apartment with Derek?

Fourteen blocks. He’d caught himself counting on their way here. It was ridiculous, really. It had been three years and Derek probably didn’t even live there anymore. But it was still the center of his universe. This vague idea of Derek there, in their apartment, waiting for him to come back, even if it wasn’t true.

Will set down the whiskey he had been nursing and stepped outside to breathe for a moment. He had to stop thinking like this! He had left. He had stopped fighting for them. Had stopped wanting it enough.

He should have made them sit down. Made Derek say the words he felt radiating off of him. But he hadn’t. Will had just left. And now there was a Derek-shaped hole in his life that he would never fill. Not with Peter, not with anyone. Derek had been it for him and he had fucked it up. 

Maybe he could have loved Derek enough for the both of them. Enough to get through whatever it was that was standing in the way of them being happy like they had been. He hadn’t tried hard enough. 

Now all he had was occasional accidental meetings, occasional sightings at Harrison’s or at an SMH party. At a Falc’s game once. It would never be the same and it would never be enough.

The music swelled as the door opened and Peter poked his head around the doorway. 

“There you are.” 

The door fell closed behind him and the night was quiet again. 

“You alright, babe?” Peter asked. 

Will shrugged. “You two had catching up to do. It’s cool.”

Peter definitely didn’t believe him. 

“You’re thinking about Derek aren’t you?” he asked quietly. 

Will had told him the basics of his last serious relationship, enough to know that it was a large part of the reason Will didn’t talk about college much. He shrugged again. “He was my college life, for better or worse. I can’t help it.”

Peter turned against the wall so he was propped up on one shoulder and studied Will in the light of the streetlamp. “You still love him, don’t you?”

The words were barely a whisper but they opened the floodgates and Will crumpled to the ground in tears. Peter sat beside him and pulled him into a hug right there on the concrete, holding him while he cried. 

“This isn’t gonna work, is it?” Will asked when the tears finally subsided. “You don’t want to be with someone still in love with his ex. Who would?”

“I want you to be happy,” Peter said. “If I can’t make you happy, then I guess you’re right.”

Will looked up at his boyfriend and studied his face. He just looked sad. Sad and resigned. 

“You knew, didn’t you?” 

“I had hoped I was wrong. But I had a guess. I really like you, Will.”

“I really like you, too,” Will said. He took a deep breath. “But I don’t know if I’m ready for this.” 

Will had thought he was. He really had. It had been three years. Three years of carefully navigating events he knew Derek would be at. Three years of side-stepping questions from Chowder and Bitty. Three years of being in love with his ex-boyfriend.

“I was afraid of that. Do you want me to take you home?”

Will shook his head. “I’m gonna walk. Clear my head.”

“Okay.” Peter pressed a kiss to Will’s cheek. “I hope you find your happy, Will.”

Will watched him go back into the party and then started walking home. 

_ Home.  _ He wanted to go  _ home _ . 

Thirteen blocks. He shouldn’t be doing this. Derek didn’t love him anymore, even if he hadn’t gotten over him. That was Will’s problem, not Derek’s.

Twelve blocks. Derek probably didn’t even live there anymore.

Eleven blocks. Maybe Derek wasn’t even home. It was Friday night after all. And of the two of them, Will was the one more likely to beg off social events. 

Ten blocks. No, he would be home. He had to be home. 

At eight blocks he called Chowder but got his voicemail.

“Hey Chowder, uh, weird question, but do you know if Derek still lives at our old place? No reason. Just. Wondering.”

Six blocks. He shouldn’t be walking to his ex’s apartment at eleven o’clock at night. He had no good reason for it. But he was nearly there and he wasn’t stopping. 

Four blocks. He should go home. He was drunk. No, he wasn’t. He was just stupid. 

Two blocks. He texted Erin. ‘I’m about to do something very stupid.’ 

One block. Why was he hurting himself like this?

He rang the doorbell. 

_/ _/ _/

Derek startled awake where he was dozing on Luke’s chest. The game was still playing so he hadn’t been out for long. “Was that the doorbell?”

“Ignore it, no one we know would just ring the bell at this hour,” Luke murmured. 

“Might be someone needing help. I’m gonna go see.”

Pushing himself off the couch, he left the apartment and jogged down the steps to the front door of the three-flat building. The figure he saw through the glass door was unmistakable even after three years. 

“Will?” He said as he opened the door. “What are you doing here?” 

Will’s eyes were bloodshot as they ranged all over his face, taking in all of his features again. Then they caught on his hand where it held open the door. On his ring. 

“Is that —?” Will asked. 

Derek shut down. He leaned against the door to keep it open and crossed his arms instead, hiding the ring. “What do you want, Will?”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here.” Will turned and started down the front walk but Derek grabbed his wrist. 

“Why are you here, Will?” he asked. 

Will let himself be turned back towards him but didn’t speak for a long minute. “I miss you. But I shouldn’t have come here.”

Derek stared at him. “You miss me?” he asked in a furious whisper. “Will, you left! You don’t get to miss me!” His voice was rising but he didn’t care right now.

“You didn’t want me!” Will shouted back. 

“What?” Derek blinked.

“I know you, Derek. I knew you, anyways. You didn’t want me there. So I left.”

“When the fuck did I say that?” Derek asked wildly. 

“You, uh, didn’t. Exactly. But I knew.” Dex was red in the face, his embarrassed flush, Derek knew.

“Wait, you’re telling me that you broke up with me because you thought I wanted you to? And you never asked me? You never let me defend that? What the hell, Will? I thought we were better than that.”

Will shook his head. “It sounds bad when you put it like that.”

“Will! It is like that! I loved you! I loved you so much! We were having a rough time but I wanted to make it work! You just left!”

The door opened behind him, he hadn’t even noticed it falling closed, and Luke emerged. 

“Everything okay?” his fiance asked. 

“I’m sorry, Derek. For everything. I won’t bother you again.” 

This time, Derek let him walk away. He watched those shoulders he used to know so well curl in on themselves and watched that red hair fade into the night. And then he turned and collapsed onto Luke. 

“Who was that?” Luke asked as he held him. 

“Will,” Derek gasped out between heavy breaths.

“Ah. Let’s get you back upstairs.”

Derek let Luke nudge him upstairs and wrap him back up on the couch while he made tea. Let him place the hot mug in his hands. Let himself stare unseeing at the Bruins game. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Luke asked after a few minutes.

“He misses me. He said… he said he broke up with me because he... thought I wanted to break up?” Derek knew he wasn’t making much sense but he couldn’t stop talking now. “He didn’t even give me a chance.”

“I’m sorry Derek.”

He looked up and saw tears in Luke’s eyes. “Babe, no, this isn’t regret. We’re good. We’re solid.”

“I know,” Luke said, taking the mug from Derek’s hands and linking his own fingers with his. “I trust us.”

“Then why are you crying?” 

“He hurt you so bad, babe, and I hate to see you hurting. And then to come here out of nowhere and hurt you again? I hate that and I hate that I can’t do anything about it.”

Derek raised their joined hands and kissed Luke’s knuckles. “You are doing something about it. You’re here.” 

Luke smiled and pulled him in for a brief, salty kiss. “Always and forever, Derek.”

_/ _/ _/

It wasn’t until he had walked all eleven blocks to his apartment that he checked his phone again. A text from Erin asking if he was okay. A text from Chowder with a bunch of question marks and a ‘what the hell dex?’.

He called Erin first and told her what had happened. 

“Come home, Will. Just for a little bit. Please.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Maybe home would help him heal. 

After they hung up, he took a deep breath, centering himself. The conversation with Chowder would probably be worse. He’d made a fool of him and stuck his best friend in the middle of their fighting again. Even if it was only Will still fighting with himself. 

He called Chowder.

“Hey, C.”

“What is going on?” Chowder asked. 

“I went to his place. Made a fool of myself. It’s all my fault. Everything is my fault.”

“Oh, Dex,” Chowder said softly. “You two, you just... I don’t know what happened. I wish I could’ve helped.”

“If you talk to him, will you tell him I’m sorry again?” Will sniffled. “I am. It was stupid. I won’t bother him again.”

“Will, you’re starting to worry me,” Chowder said. 

“I’m okay. I’m okay.” If he repeated it enough maybe it would be true. “I’m gonna go stay with Erin for a bit.”

“That’s good. I think that will be good for you.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry you’re in the middle of this again, Chowder.”

“I wish I could help more,” Chowder said. “You gonna try to get some sleep now?” 

Will looked at the clock over the stove. 12:36 AM. He should sleep. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

“You’re gonna be okay, Will. I promise.”

“I’ll try to believe that,” Will said with a huff of a laugh. “I’ll talk to you later, Chowder. I love you, man.”

“I love you, Will. Get some sleep.”

“Night, C.”

Will woke the next morning to a loud knocking on his door. His head ached from dehydration after crying himself to sleep the night before and his chest was tight with embaressment and regret. 

He made his way to the door, still in last night’s clothes, and attempted to school his hair flat. Was it Derek? No, he didn’t even know where Will lived. 

When he opened the door, it was Erin was on the other side and his heart lifted. She pulled him into a tight hug in the doorway. 

“Hey big brother,” she murmured. “Thought you could use some home brought to you.”

Will just hugged her tighter. 

They made their way into the apartment, Erin grabbing a duffle from the floor Will hadn’t seen. Will started the coffee pot and turned to lean against the counter as it brewed. 

“How are you?” Erin asked. 

“Been better,” Will laughed dryly. “How did you get here so fast?”

“Will, it’s almost noon. I drove down this morning.”

“Oh. You didn’t have to.”

“I think you’ll find that I did. I brought enough for a week, think that’s enough time to arrange at work? I know you can’t just drop everything —”

Will cut her off as he pulled her into a tight hug.

“Hi?”

“You’re the best,” Will said into her shoulder. 

“Does this mean you’re finally gonna let me take care of you?” Erin teased.

“I suppose I’ll allow it,” he said with a wry smile. It was time — it was beyond time — to finally close that chapter of his life and move on.

The coffee pot gurgled behind them and Will released his sister. 

“You’re gonna be okay, Will.”

Will smiled and believed her, just a bit. 

**Author's Note:**

> anyways i hope i made you cry, i guess? leave me a comment if you'd like to cry at me, or i'm on tumblr at willdexpoindexter.


End file.
